When we come from a place where we look for the good in what we do and see things how others see our work we start to get even better at what we do. When we start with kindness towards ourselves we change the internal narratives.
We have been conditioned to be our own biggest critic and that comes from the mind and its fears. Add to that the cultural norm of ‘you can do better’ mentality instilled in us from our formative years in order to satisfy the egos of others and to prepare us for a life of servitude to working for others. It creates a default reaction of self-criticism and it is a shield we put up to ‘protect’ ourselves from the perceived judgement of others. However, this behaviour only serves to affect our self-esteem and causes us to suffer within.
We never feel inspired or motivated after beating ourselves up.
However, if we choose to be our biggest fan instead then we are proud of our work and we grow in self-confidence and we feel good.
It inspires us to build on what we have already achieved and to look positively on what we have done not what we didn’t do or did badly in our eyes.
When we focus on what we did well we free ourselves from the negative energy of looking at what we think we did wrong.
Lastly, we are all already worthy of love and belonging from the moment we wake up in the morning to the moment we go to sleep, no matter what we did or didn’t do that day.
So, I am back, again. Back on the blogging horse after a short but needed sabbatical.
I am going to have another tattoo, big surprise!! You become easily addicted. I waited most of my adult life to get round to having one, even though I’d always wanted one. I finally overcame the fears, not fear of the pain particularly, just the fear of having one and ‘what if it looks shit?’ or ‘what if I don’t like it?’ and so on. Endless crap that my mind threw up to sabotage my soul’s desire to create beautiful art on my skin. I love art and all things spiritual, so I designed my own owl tattoo and the amazingly talented Mo set to work. I have always loved owls and see them as my spiritual totem. Then I had a raven, and thankfully Mo talked me out of my design this time for her amazing design. Of course, now I’m onto the next one…
I am going to have the words “I may be wrong” tattooed on my left forearm. This will be a permanent reminder of my new mantra…I have believed for a whole lifetime that “I am right” and protecting that at all costs. Now I am able to accept that I have a view, and usually based on nothing other than my mind telling me useless shit and then convincing me that I am right, based on nothing other than the fear of not having an opinion or view or knowledge on/of something and that view is just that a view, neither right or wrong, good or bad…just a temporary mental position that might change and is nothing very important.
I picked this tattoo idea up from listening to one of the many amazing fab Fearne Cotton podcasts, Happy Place, with Bjorn ‘Natthiko’ Lindeblad (check). He quit his amazing career as the youngest CEO of a company at the time to become a forest monk, which he continued to be for 40 years. He was taught the mantra ‘I may be wrong’ at the monastery as a way to avoid conflict. When you feel any conflict about to arise with another, simply repeat ‘I may be wrong’ a few times before reacting and the conflict always subsides, it gives us a chance to become conscious and step away from our ego.
Interesting, as a male, we are expected to know everything and it is a burden that we all carry. Society also expects us to have a view on everything and this was perfect for me as I grew up in a household where everyone had an opinion on everything and my father’s favourite phrase was ‘fact!! not opinion son’ for anything that was his view. Based again on nothing. He would have an opinion on mushroom growing out of season in Mongolia, if there is such a thing, even though he’d never grown mushrooms, or much else, and had never been to Mongolia.
We create so much conflict, suffering and damage battling it out with another person’s ego on what are just views. All views are just temporary thoughts amongst the thousands and thousands of usually repetitive daily thoughts.
When we do not attach ourselves to our opinions we release the need to defend them at all costs. The human race has killed each other in the millions just on the views of, or a group of, egos.
More and more I have less and less opinions on anything, I am no longer the ‘know-all’ and the defender of nothing that important as to be worth conflict of any kind with another.
So I am no longer of the ‘fact not opinion’ mantra and it has been replaced by ‘I do not know’. If it is really important to know, then, of course, I can do some research of my own or listen to others. However, my life journey has taught me that nothing really matters and very few things other than this eternal present moment that is now can be 100% true. Truth in itself is just an opinion and there are no facts.
Once you relieve yourself of the burden of having to know something or have a view, you reach a state of inner peace and freedom from the burden. We also release others from the burden of our knowledge and the lack of resistance to others releases the need for any conflict and suffering.
The human race would be in a more peaceful and joyous state if we knew less and had fewer views on stuff we knew nothing about.
Philip Dodson 