blog fears

The blank page.

The empty head.

The fear of starting.

The scariness of words.

Who will read it?

Who will like it?

Who will criticise it?

Who cares what you have to say?

Just type, it’s an unknown thing life and what we do, has no guarantees.

The magic is the uncertainty and caring about the process and not giving a care about the outcome.

Blog fears are scary when we focus on the published outcome, not the process of creating it.

I’ve stepped off the diving board, wow, it’s fucking scary

I’ve gone public, I’ve let the cat out of the bag, after 2 years plus of blogging every day, which at the time was a fucking scary step, I have now moved out of that safety zone. I am still close enough to shore, that I could row back…tempting, but I’ve learnt so many times that safety is false. I’ve jumped off the top board and as yet I don’t know what will happen.

Yesterday’s blog was a big step forward and a massive one for me, but it is now frightening, as to continue this journey I have to be brave enough to build my courage muscle even more, I have to dare to be great and step ‘into the ring’ as Brene Brown would say. I have to be prepared to show my soft underbelly, don’t worry there won’t be any art or photos of my soft underbelly!

I do a weekly podcast with my mate Bernie for my coworking business and we are usually pretty vulnerable, perhaps its easier doing it in pairs, shared openness and vulnerability seem to be easier, a bit like jumping off something holding a friends hand, jumping into the unknown together. However, there comes a point where we have to take the stabilisers of the bike and brave it alone.

I have a story to tell and share, like every single one of us on the planet. Perhaps, it will only be interesting to me, but that does not matter, it is about releasing this stuff from inside me, about changing the narrative inside my head and by sharing that in public it is even more healing, it is vitally important for letting go and changing how I tell my internal story about the past and making the most of building my future now.

I have gone on a massive journey of change, most of you who know me now but did not 5 years ago, 10 years ago, would not believe the mental, spiritual and physical changes that I have gone through.

So sharing this is personal, to remind me of the journey I have been on and to remind me that this journey is an ongoing process of getting to an even better version, every day is an opportunity to make another step on the road.

I hope, but do not expect, that this will have an impact on others. I always used to believe in the myth that we are liked dipped in concrete at about age 17-18 and that’s it, that is how you will be for the rest of our life. That you will just have to live with the internal struggle between the real you and the one we sheepishly put on display to the world, held back by what others think or tell us. Now I know you can become the person you truly are and you can change almost anything about yourself, certainly all the things that really matter.

I have been to the bottom. I have faced the abyss and now I am rising from that and it is hard, it is not easy fighting a lifetime of ingrained behaviours and habits, it is not easy shaking off your conditioning.

The most important thing to learn is compassion, humility, empathy, connections to others who will be empathetic and non-judgemental too.

This is the 2nd day of a different voice on my blog after over 2 years of blogging every single day, I have now made a small step to change. I loved the last 2 years, learnt a massive amount, I know that I made a huge impact for some and myself, and that is the reward for the dedication and commitment.

Now I am choosing to make a new commitment to myself, to be even braver, to be even more vulnerable, and to keep going on the journey of being even better every day.

This is uncertain, this is risky but who cares it will be scary and enjoyable at the same time. The roller coaster I am on is just about to leave the safety and climb the hill. Shit I’m scared, today’s post alone feels as if it has taken me out to the middle of the dance floor at the scariest social event, where you feel like Billy ‘No Mates’, the spotlight is turned on me, everyone is watching, I have left the crowd and the music is about to start.

I might go back to safety tomorrow.