What now? Talking it out in public

What now?

I have been doing this blog every single day continuously for over six and half years, 2,407 days as of yesterday without missing a day. I have become stale and questioning whether to continue or not. This already feels like some drama that would normally play out on Facebook ‘please like my blog’ or ‘I hope people say ‘continue, we couldn’t cope without your blog”. But I have always liked talking out loud on my blog page, as most often, my blogs are really me giving myself a talking to.

I was originally inspired to do a daily blog by one of my heroes at the time, Seth Godin, who had been doing a daily blog for years and is still going strong today. I thought, laughing as I type, I’d be the next ‘Seth’ a bit like all the wannabe entrepreneurs are all going to be the next Google or whatever…and of course, some are.

I didn’t quite make Seth’s level of blogging in terms of fame, followers, and likes. But then I realised Seth Godin is a little bit more than just his blog!!!

I realise that if I want to be famous, which I do not, then it takes a lot more than blogging and it takes a completely different set of values to mine…no judgement here.

I used to write a daily writing journal too, on 750words, where you had to write 750 words minimum a day to get a tick in the box, and years later, and many million words I stopped doing it. I realised I was mainly doing it for the badges, yes they cleverly gamified it, and my ego, to tell others how amazing I was at commitment and writing blah blah blah! Look at me!! Also, in my newfound more spiritual self, laughing again as I type, like I’m the Buddha, that I was using the daily journal to just spit out all the ramblings and negative repeating thought patterns spinning in my head onto the screen of my online journal. So effectively energising the madness in my head further and prohibiting me from being in the moment more.

I wonder now if I am doing my blog for the ego, fearful now to stop, wanting to keep going for the bragging and for the internal glory of commitment and ‘I’m making a difference’.

Perhaps I feel I’ve said all I can, perhaps I’m fearful of making it more successful, and perhaps I’m not prepared to do the hard work it takes to get more noticed. After all, fear of success is a common sabotaging process of the mind. Perhaps, I’m fearful of writing more from my heart, less sitting on the fence and more being just me. Taking off the shackles.

Anyway, I’ve done another daily blog, hit publish, and move on. Will I be back tomorrow? Well, no one knows the future but I feel better for talking this out.