Those things that we fear, the ones that we fear the most, when we start them and do them it’s amazing afterwards how we realise just how stupid it was to have feared them.
The things that we fear the most are the ones we put off the most. However, they’re the ones we really want to do the most but I’m just too fearful to start. It is the starting that’s the challenge not the doing, the doing is the easy bit and afterwards we realise why on earth did I have a fear of this thing.
So how do we get to start? We get to start by doing the small things, the small steps not the big things, the small steps and if it’s a big thing, we’ve got to do break it down to small things small tiny steps.
Small tiny steps that we won’t fear, that the brain or the mind won’t pick up on and sabotage.
That’s the trick, daily habits, small steps, tiny little things and then the compound effect comes.
Initially, we don’t see much of a change but gradually over time the momentum grows and the change becomes enormous and then we’ve gone from doing a series of tiny small insignificant steps to a giant leap that we could’ve never done before because the giant leap was too fearful.
Small steps is the answer, just 123 go, a small step never a giant leap, we never fear a small step.
I am me and no one else is me. I am uniquely me. The only me has wanted to be me and show that ‘me’ to the world all my life. Well, I am not there yet, however, I believe I am me now and that is the reality for me. We always create and manifest our reality by what we feel and believe.
I have decided that it is time to be fucking ‘me’ and stop the exhausting process of stopping ‘me’ from being seen.
Why have I done that? Fear. The mind has dominated and is fear based unlike the real me which is love based from my heart. That is what is dominating now.
I have been fearful of offending others, fearful that no one will like the real me, fearful of being alone, fearful of not being loved, fearful of judgement, fearful of being told off, and fearful of the consequences…fearful of everything.
I am 55 and I am still fearful of being me, of speaking my truth, of worrying about others and I have had enough. It is fucking exhausting and is preventing the world from seeing my true soul and more importantly from me being me and all the joy and freedom that will give me.
My true essence, like all human souls, is love and when I show that and speak that from my heart the real me will be visible to the world. I am a warrior, a person who accepts what is but is not passive. Surrendering to what is and accepting all that is allows us peace within but we do not have to be passive and apathetic. We do not have to be a doormat and we do not have to be what others want us to be. That does not mean we have to be aggressive or confrontational either, we just have to be our true selves. When we are at peace within we can speak from the heart and we do not have to fear anything anymore.
I want to get off the fucking bus and stop going along with the crowd as that is what is fucking easy and comfortable. I am not a warrior in the normal sense of what we have been told to understand. I am not looking to go out and kill and be aggressive. I am looking to love, nurture, bring together, unite and protect what matters…to speak up without fear. I am looking to share my gift. I am choosing to be proud of being who I am, of being a man, of being a loving human. I want to be seen and understood for who I truly am and I want to see and understand others as they truly are.
I am the warrior who is brave enough to be vulnerable and to be brave enough to speak my truth, to set my boundaries, to be brave enough to face my biggest fears and see them as a gift to guide me on my path and to be brave enough to get off the bus.
Am I there? no. Will I always be perfectly truly me all the time? No, I won’t, I am a human, an emotional being, I will have feelings, I will have anger, I will have fear, I will have many things, and I will make choices that I will reflect on and see they weren’t what reflected the true me.
All I am saying is that I want to go on the journey to being me, to be more awake, to be more conscious, to choose love first, being first and not waiting, I want to use fear as my guide and not my inhibitor.
I am exhausted with taking everything that others and my mind say seriously, I am tired of having an opinion on everything based on fucking nothing other than my mind and its ego. I am tired of holding back my voice and not respecting myself. I am exhausted from analysing everything.
For those who may feel uncomfortable, I understand and for those who want to move on, I understand that too. I know that when I am true to my values, to my heart, to love and the real me that I will attract my people to my life and that is what I want. I will attract people who see me as I am and who love me without conditions. That is what love is, it comes from the heart and is without condition. It is our default.
I am here as this current carnation just once, I do not want to spend any more of that not being me. I am releasing my warrior spirit and I am saying to myself each day “take off those fucking shackles and show up as me”. It’s tough. But that’s OK.
Is it going to be easy? NO. Is there anything in life that matters that is easy or that is without sacrifice? No. We are here for a purpose and that purpose is to experience and to be truly who we are without the suffering of denying ourselves that. To share that.
I am releasing my warrior spirit, choosing to love myself fully and to be me…it feels truly fucking amazing!
Philip Dodson 