Tag: understanding

We can’t give to others what we don’t give to ourselves

Posted on by philipdodson

We can’t give to others what we don’t give to ourselves.

If we don’t love ourselves we can’t love others. If we are not kind to ourselves we can’t give it to others. If we have no compassion for ourselves then we can’t be compassionate with others. If we do not show ourselves empathy and understanding then we will not see and understand others.

Understanding is a powerful thing that we all seek and yet we do not start with ourselves. We do not take the time to own or be accountable for our journeys. When we own them we can learn and write a different story. We can then seek to understand others too. All to often we fill in the gaps with ourselves and make up stories and we do e we it’s others too.

Equally, what we give to ourselves, we give to others. If we are angry, fearful, unkind, harsh, judging, shaming, and so on, of ourselves then we will treat others the same. If we are kind, compassionate, loving and understanding with ourselves we will be with others.

Inner peace comes from treating ourselves kindly and outer peace follows.

It all starts with us. The world is what we create from our inner state.

Brave communication

Posted on by philipdodson

We need to all be brave enough to have the difficult conversations in our lives otherwise miscommunication, resentment and shame continue to dominate our interactions as humans.

It means that we have to be brave enough to listen, as well as speak, and most importantly, when we feel uncomfortable and feel the urge to be silent or walk away.

We need to be brave enough to understand others first and to allow them to be seen. Understanding others and allowing them to be seen is the most powerfully part of communication, how can we respond if we do not understand the other person?

We need courage in being able to receive feedback too, even if the other person may be struggling with how to tell us. If we assume that it comes from a place of good intention, then there is something in there for us to learn.

We need to be brave in creating a space where others can feel safe in expressing themselves, even if they are like all of us, they may struggle to express themselves well. That doesn’t mean that they are not valid. Of course, we can ask for time to consider and we do not have to accept unkind choices of behaviour by others.

Communication is one of the hardest things we have to do as humans. It is the thing that, amazingly, we are never taught. Our role models such as parents, teachers and other leaders are also struggling with communication too so they show us bad examples mainly.

It perpetuates until we are all collectively brave enough to be able to speak truthfully from our hearts in a kind, compassionate and empathetic way. When we are able to have the courage to have the hard conversations and not shy away from them because it is painful for us, then we can start to make lasting changes in how we as humans communicate with each other.

We have to be first to demonstrate this courage and lead by example, not by telling others that they are doing wrong.

Out and out bare ‘truth’ is damaging, when it is really other emotions and shaming dressed up as just being honest. Even if we perceive our ‘truth’ to be accurate we should be brave enough not to use that in a harmful and unkind way.