Male toxicity and what is wrong with that phrase

I am proud of being a man, and I am not going to apologise for that, I am proud of my gender and I am proud to be a warrior (not a war-maker), a carer, and a nurturer. I am proud of who I am.

I will and always have, stood up for women, as I would stand up for any human soul regardless of their gender. It is not about equality, it is about balance and recognising and celebrating the differences between genders and not trying to make one the other. 

Women have a strong and powerful role to play as do men and we are similar and amazingly different too. That is neither a good nor bad thing, it simply is, and we do neither any good by trying to make them the same or judging each other. We can choose to recognise and support each other, celebrate our differences and seek to understand.

If we want change, we have to seek to understand the other first and we have to be the example. Men will not become different by being attacked, labelled judged, shamed and ostracised. Men do not have to become women, they do not have to start hating themselves and become apologists for others’ choices. 

If we all treat others with respect, empathy, compassion, love, kindness and understanding, then we will receive that in return. If we seek to do the right things, regardless of gender or any other difference between us and another human soul, then the human race becomes one and changes and inspires others without the need to criticise. 

For example, I have been a vegan and it just didn’t work for me personally. I now only eat animal products in a very limited amount and from ethical/responsible sources in a way that respects us, nature, and not in a harmful disrespectful way. I am not going to be motivated or anyone else by a vegan person judging my choices in a hateful and aggressive way labelling me as a ‘murderer’. 

Equally, as a respecter of women, a person who believes in everyone being treated with respect, as a person who stands up for women, and has always treated women respectfully, I am not happy with phrases such as ‘male toxicity’ as I would not be happy with the phrase ‘female toxicity’. 

These are judgemental, shaming and disrespectful phrases that actually only lead to the opposite of what the users of them perceive will be the response. These judgemental phrases are fear and anger based and are a way of lashing out in a critical, judgemental and unfounded way.

Respect others, accept others and treat people as the amazing human souls each and every one of us is. What can go wrong with that? Celebrate our differences, and be grateful that we are not all the same. 

Equally, be proud of who and what you are and do not allow others to tell you what you need to think, say or do. We all make wrong individual choices at the time, and we all act at the level of consciousness that we are at right now, we can’t act any other way. That does not excuse a poor individual choice, however, it does not give others the right to label and condemn us for that choice.

Let those who have not sinned cast the first stone or in another way, people who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

We are all the one life and each one of us has our unique gifts and journey to experience. Let’s all move on from judgement and celebrate each other and support each other unconditionally.

What will happen if I don’t listen?

There is always something to say, and we all have a unique journey and much to share with others. Our learning is unique to us as we are all uniquely different and what works for one does not necessarily fit another’s path. However, there are similar experiences that we all have and we can share learning and if wanted, we can share advice with others.

It is the unsolicited ‘fixing’ others type advice that is not what we want, we want people to understand us, not to tell us what happened to them. We are not interested and we want others to listen. We have to always seek first to understand, then to be understood. We have to be the first to stop the telling and do the listening.

Listening is not pausing to think about what we are going to say next. We have to listen to others in the way that we would want others to listen to us. Listening is something that we are poor at as humans, we are good at talking and mainly about ourselves.

There is one certainty, people who feel understood are more likely to listen to you and understand you. However, we can’t wait for them to listen, we have to be the one that takes the first step.

Whatever we want in life, we have to be the first. If we want more love, then we have to love more, if we want more trust, we have to trust more, if we want more hugs, we have to hug more, if we want more respect, we have to show more respect, if we want people to understand us, we have to understand more.

It is that simple, it always starts with us and we manifest the exterior world from how we choose to act. The world is how we choose to see it and is always a reflection of ourselves. We have to be brave enough to be the ones to change first.

Try it…see what happens, even within a few days.

There is an indigenous saying from North America ‘listen or your tongue will make you deaf’ and that is what will happen if you don’t listen.