I’m changing the people around me, for good

I said that to myself a few years back (still say it to some) when I was being influenced by the wrong people. There was nothing wrong with those people, it was just I had chosen the wrong people to suit the changes I wanted to make as a person and they no longer served me well.

There are not bad people, there are people who are not right for me or you etc and I am not right for others.

I did not wake up one morning and make a list and then go and connect with each person one-by-one and say ‘I no longer want you to be in my life’, well there were a couple of people who I did kind of say that too. Those were the people who were toxic in my life.

I have not looked back, there have been no regrets. I am sure they say the same!

If any of the following is happening from people that are around you, then it might be time to say ‘adios’ to them or to set some boundaries, tell them how they are making you feel. If they are the right people who matter and they value you for who you are, then they will respect you and take note. If they do not modify or compromise, then they are not the right people, as they are not respecting you and that will never end well.

If after an interaction with them you feel bad, or compromised, if you feel a lot or even some of what they say/do makes you feel uncomfortable, as in uneasy, if they do not take time to ask you things, if they only talk about themselves, if they do not respect themselves or you, if they put you down, if they laugh at your misfortune, if they are judgemental of you or others, if they are jealous/resentful of your successes in any way, if they are in or surrounded by dramas, or if they have a permanently negative outlook, like they moan a great deal – then you need to question if that is the influence you want in your life. I have had some who would match nearly all of the above and some more that I did not add.

It is not easy to be alone, to have no connections, to change friends, but is it easy feeling bad or made to feel bad by those people? Long-term, well in fact very short-term, within even a few days of changing some of the people influencing my life, I felt better. Now, I feel a whole lot better.

It is hugely important, more so than I realised until I changed the people around me, to have influences that suit who you really are as a person. As Brene Brown says ‘true belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are’ and that doesn’t suit some people and that is fine.

I am now learning, that the faster you deal with it, the better it is.

Staying on the bus

‘Staying on the bus’ by Philip Dodson

Staying on the bus.

Staying silent.

Looking away.

Closing our eyes.

Not speaking up.

Doing nothing.

Not wanting to cause a fuss.

These are our choices to things that challenge our moral sense of right or wrong, that challenge our worldview, our values, our sense of what is decent human behaviour.

Staying on the bus is easier but it has consequences and we will all have to be responsible and live with them often some way in the future when perhaps we regret our choices.

But there is an option, jump off the bus, speak out, listen and understand the other view and then do something inspiring to influence change.

Leaders do not look away or stay on the bus.