Tag: commitment

Breaking the cycle

Posted on by philipdodson

We often get stuck in a rut in life. I have been recently struggling with getting up at a regular time and then sleeping heavily. This then means I miss an important time of the day when the world is still silent and there is a moment to complete my daily rituals that ground me, bring me into the day and help me to form habits in other parts of my life.

I used excuse upon excuse but I was causing myself great suffering because I was saying that  I will get up at 6 am and then not do it. That was bringing a lack of trust in myself, it was compromising my integrity, causing doubt, and negativity, and prohibiting me from doing the deeply meaningful work that I want to do.

Integrity is about doing what you say, not just with others, but more importantly with ourselves. We can not be true to others if we do not first become true to ourselves. Integrity is about doing what you say when no one else is there.

Of course, there are going to be times that we cannot always do what we say, circumstances mean that we have to change our plans sometimes and, of course, we can be compassionate and kind to ourselves when for whatever reason, we just do not show up.

However, if we make it a constant thing, that we say one thing and then do not do it, then we are harming ourselves and others. We are killing our own self-confidence and trust in ourselves to be authentic and to show up.

Our worth is not affected ever by what we do or don’t do, we are still worthy and worthy of love no matter what. However, we can bring a great deal more joy, purpose and energy to ourselves and others by living by what we say and by endeavouring to live an integral life.

It is better to not commit to something than it is to commit and then not do it. The best is always to commit and do it.

How do I speak to someone who I find it difficult to speak with?

Posted on by philipdodson

We often say ‘I am not sure how to handle this situation, I don’t know how to say “x” to her’. ‘I am worried about how she might take it’.

We are uncertain how to speak to someone, how to say the thing we have to say. We have formed an opinion of that person that he/she will react a certain way and, of course, when we believe that, then that is what it becomes…difficult.

This comes from the mind and its fear of how the person might react to what we say to them. It comes from the judgements we have made about that person and then our behaviours towards them reflect that, and naturally, we manifest the very thing that we feared.

We want to handle a challenge and we deep down want to speak our truth and be understood by this person, yet the mind sabotages that because of the psychological fear of their possible reaction and then we end up diluting what we wanted to say to avoid confrontation or we do not say it at all and continue to suffer from not speaking up or perhaps make a confrontational situation out of what we wanted to say and make it worse.

The thing is before speaking to anyone we have to do a simple thing. Imagine the person who is easiest to talk to and is unconditional in their love for us and we love them too unconditionally. Imagine it’s our best friend, daughter, partner or someone who we trust and value completely, a person we feel completely at ease with. How would we speak to them? We would speak to them from our heart, we would come from a place of love and we would not fear their reaction so we would be at peace. We would speak without agenda, judgement and fear, so they would receive it as we intend, from our heart.

The other thing is we need to be first, always be first, so we need to start by seeking to understand the other person first, we have to listen empathetically and hear them. We have to hear them without making any evaluation and then when we have truly understood them, we can speak our truth with love from our heart and without any attachment to an agenda of our minds.

We should treat everyone with love, empathy, trust and understanding. We need to make the other person feel that they are seen and we need to be the first to do, not waiting for others to be first. It has to be unconditional if we want to change our world. Everything reflects us.

The whole world is a reflection of us, we create our reality completely. If we want to be able to say something to another, we have to come from a place of love without judgement of them and their likely reaction.

If we start by being the first to listen and understand them, if we allow them to be seen, then when we speak our truth from our heart, they will more likely be able to understand us and allow us to be seen. Of course, their reaction is none of our business, however, it is the prejudging of others that creates what we believe them to be. In order to see people as they really are, we have to be the first to stop evaluating others.

Treat everyone the same, love them and trust them…be first.