A difficult path always leads us to where we want to go in life

A difficult path always leads us to where we want to go in life.

Our lack of confidence in ourselves leads us to overthink and analyse everything, to the point that it becomes exhausting and causes us to suffer a great deal.

When we are constantly worried about the reactions to our actions it paralyses us and leads us to act in a way that is not true to ourselves. We say and do things or we don’t say or do things to avoid being in the limelight and to stay safe as we see it.

This prohibition of showing our real selves causes more suffering as we always feel like we are holding back and our soul wants to speak out and share its truth, but the mind fears the reactions. It creates sabotage and excuses as to why we should not be true to ourselves.

When we act in a non-authentic way to minimise what we fear will be others’ reactions to us, we actually create a further lessening of self-confidence as people are not comfortable with our lack, we are not showing our real selves, so that actually causes people to move away from us more. They sense our lack of confidence and then we feel their reaction to us and it only goes to confirm the stories in our minds of not being worthy, not being liked and not being loved.

It becomes a vicious circle, a self-fulfilling prophecy. We create a worsening of our own self-confidence based on our starting position of uncertainty and fear.

It is a challenging loop to break, it takes a great deal of bravery and a willingness to be vulnerable and not fear others’ reactions to our truth. Of course, our truth needs to be shared with empathy, kindness and compassion. However, our truth will come from our heart and therefore, it will always come from a place of love.

This is all easily written here in a blog and a great deal harder to practice in real life. I struggle with it and have come to realise, like any practice, we have to build it step by step, day by day, moment by moment and the more we practice the easier it becomes and the stronger our confidence will come.

When we speak our truth some will, of course, move on and not feel comfortable with it. However, our people will be attracted to our truth and that is what matters. Equally, we will be able to love ourselves fully for being vulnerable, willing to show up and to live a life of integrity.

Again, this is not an easy thing, however, vulnerability is meant to be difficult because anything that requires commitment and bravery will always lead us to the things that truly matter in life. There is a warrior spirit in us all, a loving, nurturing, strong and caring one, that when it rises will help us to be able to become our true selves, to be authentic and to share our light and gifts with the world.

A difficult path always leads to where we want to go in life.

I am releasing the warrior

I am me and no one else is me. I am uniquely me. The only me has wanted to be me and show that ‘me’ to the world all my life. Well, I am not there yet, however, I believe I am me now and that is the reality for me. We always create and manifest our reality by what we feel and believe.

I have decided that it is time to be fucking ‘me’ and stop the exhausting process of stopping ‘me’ from being seen.

Why have I done that? Fear. The mind has dominated and is fear based unlike the real me which is love based from my heart. That is what is dominating now.

I have been fearful of offending others, fearful that no one will like the real me, fearful of being alone, fearful of not being loved, fearful of judgement, fearful of being told off, and fearful of the consequences…fearful of everything.

I am 55 and I am still fearful of being me, of speaking my truth, of worrying about others and I have had enough. It is fucking exhausting and is preventing the world from seeing my true soul and more importantly from me being me and all the joy and freedom that will give me.

My true essence, like all human souls, is love and when I show that and speak that from my heart the real me will be visible to the world. I am a warrior, a person who accepts what is but is not passive. Surrendering to what is and accepting all that is allows us peace within but we do not have to be passive and apathetic. We do not have to be a doormat and we do not have to be what others want us to be. That does not mean we have to be aggressive or confrontational either, we just have to be our true selves. When we are at peace within we can speak from the heart and we do not have to fear anything anymore.

I want to get off the fucking bus and stop going along with the crowd as that is what is fucking easy and comfortable. I am not a warrior in the normal sense of what we have been told to understand. I am not looking to go out and kill and be aggressive. I am looking to love, nurture, bring together, unite and protect what matters…to speak up without fear. I am looking to share my gift. I am choosing to be proud of being who I am, of being a man, of being a loving human. I want to be seen and understood for who I truly am and I want to see and understand others as they truly are.

I am the warrior who is brave enough to be vulnerable and to be brave enough to speak my truth, to set my boundaries, to be brave enough to face my biggest fears and see them as a gift to guide me on my path and to be brave enough to get off the bus.

Am I there? no. Will I always be perfectly truly me all the time? No, I won’t, I am a human, an emotional being, I will have feelings, I will have anger, I will have fear, I will have many things, and I will make choices that I will reflect on and see they weren’t what reflected the true me.

All I am saying is that I want to go on the journey to being me, to be more awake, to be more conscious, to choose love first, being first and not waiting, I want to use fear as my guide and not my inhibitor.

I am exhausted with taking everything that others and my mind say seriously, I am tired of having an opinion on everything based on fucking nothing other than my mind and its ego. I am tired of holding back my voice and not respecting myself. I am exhausted from analysing everything.

For those who may feel uncomfortable, I understand and for those who want to move on, I understand that too. I know that when I am true to my values, to my heart, to love and the real me that I will attract my people to my life and that is what I want. I will attract people who see me as I am and who love me without conditions. That is what love is, it comes from the heart and is without condition. It is our default.

I am here as this current carnation just once, I do not want to spend any more of that not being me. I am releasing my warrior spirit and I am saying to myself each day “take off those fucking shackles and show up as me”. It’s tough. But that’s OK.

Is it going to be easy? NO. Is there anything in life that matters that is easy or that is without sacrifice? No. We are here for a purpose and that purpose is to experience and to be truly who we are without the suffering of denying ourselves that. To share that.

I am releasing my warrior spirit, choosing to love myself fully and to be me…it feels truly fucking amazing!