Tag: thought

Advice?

Posted on by philipdodson

If we come to someone and ask advice, and then do not take it because we don’t like the answer, it’s often because we wanted approval and not advice.

We can, of course, gain from advice, books, podcasts, coaching, courses if we are stuck, but most often we are looking for approval or validation rather than advice or a way of putting off taking the action we already know will solve the problem.

However, if we only consume them and never actually try them or act upon them faithfully then we won’t advance, we will stay stuck in our perceived problem.

Every challenge in life has a solution and we need to be responsible for being a path finder and not being a person who only wants instructions that we don’t follow because we either don’t really have a challenge, other than what the mind has invented, or we actually are too fearful to find a solution to it.

We have the answer, but we seek approval from others for our proposed solution under the smokescreen of advice.

So many people seek advice and then never act on it.

Unsolicited advice is never well received or useful, it is actually the advisors ego and their own stories that causes them to vent under the disguise of advising.

We never like being told when all we wanted was to be listened too. We didn’t ask for the opinion but the other person’s ego and autobiographical perspective caused them to offer ‘advice’ which really translates to ‘look at me I know’ behaviour. It’s not genuine heartfelt care, it’s actually about them and not you.

If we seek advice and don’t use it that’s ok too, we do not have to agree with the adviser. But when we seek advice and don’t like the answer, that’s not the fault of the adviser.

We all need help at times and we all need advice and as long as that is what you are seeking and not looking for approval, then advice is a good option when we are stuck on our path-finding mission.

Advice works when we are truthful with ourselves as that is what we really want.

Stepping up is bravery

Posted on by philipdodson

We think that it is someone else, them, others, people, they are doing it…a person to blame or something else to analyse, another excuse to hide.

Others are not doing anything to us, we are doing it all to ourselves by how we choose to react to others, and others are behaving in response to what we send out.

If we change what we send out and how we react, then we can change the world to whatever we want it to be.

We manifest the reality of our lives now, by what we choose. The only common factor in our entire life is ourselves and the choices we make, then the actions we create and the outcomes we get. It’s all ours to choose and own.

If we choose to not respect ourselves and our boundaries, then others will not respect us. If we choose to react to others’ anger with anger, we will receive more anger and so on.

It is our choice and ours alone, and as Eckhart Tolle brilliantly says ‘the answer to every question in life is now’. This present moment is all that matters as that is where real life exists and where we can change anything we want to change. Endless analysis of the past or projection into the future is futile. Change happens from within us now and no one else has anything to do with it unless we choose to allow it.

We are not here to fix others or to be fixed by them. We can only be who we are right now and we can only change that right now. The answer isn’t in the past. Unless we look there and identify with, and cling to, the past versions of us and stories we made up in our minds about who we thought we were then.

We are what we are now, and if we believe that we want something different, then change it now. What we want to be now is no one else’s business and they have no right to question or own our journey, choices or stories.

If we act always from our hearts and not our minds, then we will always choose love as the guide and not the past, stories, fears, or the choices of others about who we should be.

We are only what others say or believe we are if we choose to accept and believe that too. It isn’t about right or wrong it is about what we feel we are that matters.

We never need to seek permission, or approval or have to justify ourselves to anyone. Our journey is ours and instead of spending a lifetime analysing it, searching for it, thinking about it, hiding from it, looking in books, watching videos or attending courses, we could choose to just be what we want to be right now. We could choose to step up onto the stage and live our lives or we can choose to stay in the shadow looking for it when it is already here. We do not have life, well we do in our mind and its stories, we are life…now.

Sure we will fuck it up, fall over, fail and end up on the floor, but when we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down, take the learning and go again, we will experience real life, we will be alive in this moment, with no one to blame as there is no blame and we will be alive. The views of those in the cheap seats, chucking their shame, judgement, opinions and righteousness can be ignored as they are not in the ring ‘daring greatly’ as Brene Brown would say.

Stepping up is bravery and hard, but it is the only way to be alive.

Bravery is living life not analysing it, thinking about it or seeking others’ views of it. It is not about reading books, attending courses or telling others what you think about them. It is living in this moment and being prepared to fail and go again no matter what.

Am I stepping up? That’s all I can ask myself. It’s not my place to judge others, it is my place to be brave enough to do it for myself.