Tag: relationships

Assumptions

Posted on by philipdodson

When we assume what others are thinking without knowing we make judgements and take action based on that evaluation. Often, without the faintest idea, we say ‘I know what they are thinking’. This is based on nothing but our prejudices.

We often stay in that mode even when we do ask them, as we are only seeing them through the filter of our own lens of judgement.

We have already decided what they will say as we want it to match our assumptions. Then we can say ‘see, I knew that’s what they were thinking/meaning/saying…I am right’.

True listening means without any evaluation, all we do is simply hear the words of the other. This is the only form of listening. It is only possible when we do not make up stories about others based on assumptions our mind has made to fit in with the story we hold about them.

It’s best not to create stories about others or ourselves either. It is best to hear and see people as they are and not as our mind wants us to see them. It changes communication completely when we see and understand the other person as they truly are.

Inner and outer acceptance

Posted on by philipdodson

Accepting what is, is different from outwardly accepting everything passively that has occurred.

What has already occurred in the world, in life, at this exact moment can not be altered, as soon as it happens it instantly becomes the past, it is gone, unalterable. Therefore, for peace within and to not suffer from others’ actions, and for the sake of our mental and physical state, it is best to always accept it as it is, futile to do anything else.

However, that does not mean that we have to choose to be completely passive about everything that has occurred, equally, we do not have to be combative and aggressive either. When we accept all within, it allows us to act from a place of peace and calm within and without becoming the reaction that our mind and ego would want. Therefore, when we do act, it is more likely to be received without others needing to react aggressively. When we are calm, yet true to ourselves, others will be calm and more ready to hear us and understand us.

For example, I accept that there are people who choose to be cruel to animals, however, I am not going to be outwardly passive if witnessed someone being cruel to an animal, I would act to prevent it as it goes against my values.

There is a big difference between accepting what is and how we choose to act. Accepting what is, is essential to be able to act from a place of inner calm and take out our agendas and ego. However, if there are things that go against our truth, against our values, or threaten us or the people we love, then we can act and protect what matters to us.

Acceptance within is not about being uncaring or passive, it is about not suffering within from other peoples’ actions and choices. We can accept, however, we do not have to agree or be silent. We can choose how we act always, and sometimes there are situations where we choose to not act, this is fine too. However, we should never be fearful of saying our truths and acting according to our hearts and values.