Tag: Criticism

The stories we make up about ourselves

Posted on by philipdodson

The stories we make up about ourselves, this is a follow-up from the stories we make up about others.

Yesterday I blogged about the stories we make up about others and how they create suffering for ourselves and others.

Well, there are also the stories that we make up about ourselves, and these are the most corrosive and create great suffering within us and for others too.

What we tell ourselves affects greatly our self-worth and when we do not feel worthy, it affects everything in our lives. Worthiness is not a conditional thing, we are born worthy and we die worthy…no matter what, there are no conditions to that.

As I talked about in earlier posts when we a loving to ourselves, when we are kind to ourselves, and when we give these things to ourselves, we can feel worthy. If someone does not love us, see our value or question us that does not change our worth at all. Our soul is ours and no one else’s to judge or question, our worthiness is not open for debate.

However, based on other people’s words and actions we create these stories about ourselves that corrode our self-worth. We tell ourselves these falsehoods about ourselves.

Brene Brown sums this up brilliantly in a section about learning to rise in her great book ‘Dare to Lead’  she says:

“The three most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our lovability, divinity, and creativity.

The reality check around our lovability: Just because someone isn’t willing or able to love us, it doesn’t mean that we are unlovable.

The reality check around our divinity: No person is ordained to judge our divinity or to write the story of our spiritual worthiness.

The reality check around our creativity: Just because we didn’t measure up to some standard of achievement doesn’t mean that we don’t possess gifts and talents that only we can bring to the world. And just because someone failed to see the value in what we can create or achieve doesn’t change its worth or ours.“

We don’t need to tell ourselves any stories, the truth is we are worthy and lovable…no conditions.

Male toxicity and what is wrong with that phrase

Posted on by philipdodson

I am proud of being a man, and I am not going to apologise for that, I am proud of my gender and I am proud to be a warrior (not a war-maker), a carer, and a nurturer. I am proud of who I am.

I will and always have, stood up for women, as I would stand up for any human soul regardless of their gender. It is not about equality, it is about balance and recognising and celebrating the differences between genders and not trying to make one the other. 

Women have a strong and powerful role to play as do men and we are similar and amazingly different too. That is neither a good nor bad thing, it simply is, and we do neither any good by trying to make them the same or judging each other. We can choose to recognise and support each other, celebrate our differences and seek to understand.

If we want change, we have to seek to understand the other first and we have to be the example. Men will not become different by being attacked, labelled judged, shamed and ostracised. Men do not have to become women, they do not have to start hating themselves and become apologists for others’ choices. 

If we all treat others with respect, empathy, compassion, love, kindness and understanding, then we will receive that in return. If we seek to do the right things, regardless of gender or any other difference between us and another human soul, then the human race becomes one and changes and inspires others without the need to criticise. 

For example, I have been a vegan and it just didn’t work for me personally. I now only eat animal products in a very limited amount and from ethical/responsible sources in a way that respects us, nature, and not in a harmful disrespectful way. I am not going to be motivated or anyone else by a vegan person judging my choices in a hateful and aggressive way labelling me as a ‘murderer’. 

Equally, as a respecter of women, a person who believes in everyone being treated with respect, as a person who stands up for women, and has always treated women respectfully, I am not happy with phrases such as ‘male toxicity’ as I would not be happy with the phrase ‘female toxicity’. 

These are judgemental, shaming and disrespectful phrases that actually only lead to the opposite of what the users of them perceive will be the response. These judgemental phrases are fear and anger based and are a way of lashing out in a critical, judgemental and unfounded way.

Respect others, accept others and treat people as the amazing human souls each and every one of us is. What can go wrong with that? Celebrate our differences, and be grateful that we are not all the same. 

Equally, be proud of who and what you are and do not allow others to tell you what you need to think, say or do. We all make wrong individual choices at the time, and we all act at the level of consciousness that we are at right now, we can’t act any other way. That does not excuse a poor individual choice, however, it does not give others the right to label and condemn us for that choice.

Let those who have not sinned cast the first stone or in another way, people who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

We are all the one life and each one of us has our unique gifts and journey to experience. Let’s all move on from judgement and celebrate each other and support each other unconditionally.