Tag: difficult

A difficult path always leads us to where we want to go in life

Posted on by philipdodson

A difficult path always leads us to where we want to go in life.

Our lack of confidence in ourselves leads us to overthink and analyse everything, to the point that it becomes exhausting and causes us to suffer a great deal.

When we are constantly worried about the reactions to our actions it paralyses us and leads us to act in a way that is not true to ourselves. We say and do things or we don’t say or do things to avoid being in the limelight and to stay safe as we see it.

This prohibition of showing our real selves causes more suffering as we always feel like we are holding back and our soul wants to speak out and share its truth, but the mind fears the reactions. It creates sabotage and excuses as to why we should not be true to ourselves.

When we act in a non-authentic way to minimise what we fear will be others’ reactions to us, we actually create a further lessening of self-confidence as people are not comfortable with our lack, we are not showing our real selves, so that actually causes people to move away from us more. They sense our lack of confidence and then we feel their reaction to us and it only goes to confirm the stories in our minds of not being worthy, not being liked and not being loved.

It becomes a vicious circle, a self-fulfilling prophecy. We create a worsening of our own self-confidence based on our starting position of uncertainty and fear.

It is a challenging loop to break, it takes a great deal of bravery and a willingness to be vulnerable and not fear others’ reactions to our truth. Of course, our truth needs to be shared with empathy, kindness and compassion. However, our truth will come from our heart and therefore, it will always come from a place of love.

This is all easily written here in a blog and a great deal harder to practice in real life. I struggle with it and have come to realise, like any practice, we have to build it step by step, day by day, moment by moment and the more we practice the easier it becomes and the stronger our confidence will come.

When we speak our truth some will, of course, move on and not feel comfortable with it. However, our people will be attracted to our truth and that is what matters. Equally, we will be able to love ourselves fully for being vulnerable, willing to show up and to live a life of integrity.

Again, this is not an easy thing, however, vulnerability is meant to be difficult because anything that requires commitment and bravery will always lead us to the things that truly matter in life. There is a warrior spirit in us all, a loving, nurturing, strong and caring one, that when it rises will help us to be able to become our true selves, to be authentic and to share our light and gifts with the world.

A difficult path always leads to where we want to go in life.

How do I speak to someone who I find it difficult to speak with?

Posted on by philipdodson

We often say ‘I am not sure how to handle this situation, I don’t know how to say “x” to her’. ‘I am worried about how she might take it’.

We are uncertain how to speak to someone, how to say the thing we have to say. We have formed an opinion of that person that he/she will react a certain way and, of course, when we believe that, then that is what it becomes…difficult.

This comes from the mind and its fear of how the person might react to what we say to them. It comes from the judgements we have made about that person and then our behaviours towards them reflect that, and naturally, we manifest the very thing that we feared.

We want to handle a challenge and we deep down want to speak our truth and be understood by this person, yet the mind sabotages that because of the psychological fear of their possible reaction and then we end up diluting what we wanted to say to avoid confrontation or we do not say it at all and continue to suffer from not speaking up or perhaps make a confrontational situation out of what we wanted to say and make it worse.

The thing is before speaking to anyone we have to do a simple thing. Imagine the person who is easiest to talk to and is unconditional in their love for us and we love them too unconditionally. Imagine it’s our best friend, daughter, partner or someone who we trust and value completely, a person we feel completely at ease with. How would we speak to them? We would speak to them from our heart, we would come from a place of love and we would not fear their reaction so we would be at peace. We would speak without agenda, judgement and fear, so they would receive it as we intend, from our heart.

The other thing is we need to be first, always be first, so we need to start by seeking to understand the other person first, we have to listen empathetically and hear them. We have to hear them without making any evaluation and then when we have truly understood them, we can speak our truth with love from our heart and without any attachment to an agenda of our minds.

We should treat everyone with love, empathy, trust and understanding. We need to make the other person feel that they are seen and we need to be the first to do, not waiting for others to be first. It has to be unconditional if we want to change our world. Everything reflects us.

The whole world is a reflection of us, we create our reality completely. If we want to be able to say something to another, we have to come from a place of love without judgement of them and their likely reaction.

If we start by being the first to listen and understand them, if we allow them to be seen, then when we speak our truth from our heart, they will more likely be able to understand us and allow us to be seen. Of course, their reaction is none of our business, however, it is the prejudging of others that creates what we believe them to be. In order to see people as they really are, we have to be the first to stop evaluating others.

Treat everyone the same, love them and trust them…be first.