If we think that we are not possessed by our mind and its ego, then observe the thoughts that immediately follow the next time that you have a thought about doing something.
Until we start to observe our thoughts, we are unaware of the destructive repeating patterns that will sabotage.
Observation of thought is an important step on the path to liberation from the mind.
If we can see it, we can change it and stop associating with it.
The mind can lead us to believe that what we are doing is kind, thoughtful, caring and so on. Often though, the action is coming from our egoic need to be seen to be kind, thoughtful and caring as it fits with our story of being such a person.
There is nothing wrong in this on the surface, however, within us, we are often disappointed when we are not externally recognised for our actions or receive something in return.
True kindness, love, comes from our soul, from our very essence and is free of any mental attachment or motive, or reciprocation and therefore, there is no expectation with the resulting pain and disappointment inside us.
Genuine, unconditional actions come from our deep inner true being when we are free from the conditioning of our egos and a free from suffering for the giver or the receiver. True consciousness allows us to act freely.