Tag: choice

We can’t give to others what we don’t give to ourselves

Posted on by philipdodson

We can’t give to others what we don’t give to ourselves.

If we don’t love ourselves we can’t love others. If we are not kind to ourselves we can’t give it to others. If we have no compassion for ourselves then we can’t be compassionate with others. If we do not show ourselves empathy and understanding then we will not see and understand others.

Understanding is a powerful thing that we all seek and yet we do not start with ourselves. We do not take the time to own or be accountable for our journeys. When we own them we can learn and write a different story. We can then seek to understand others too. All to often we fill in the gaps with ourselves and make up stories and we do e we it’s others too.

Equally, what we give to ourselves, we give to others. If we are angry, fearful, unkind, harsh, judging, shaming, and so on, of ourselves then we will treat others the same. If we are kind, compassionate, loving and understanding with ourselves we will be with others.

Inner peace comes from treating ourselves kindly and outer peace follows.

It all starts with us. The world is what we create from our inner state.

Advice?

Posted on by philipdodson

If we come to someone and ask advice, and then do not take it because we don’t like the answer, it’s often because we wanted approval and not advice.

We can, of course, gain from advice, books, podcasts, coaching, courses if we are stuck, but most often we are looking for approval or validation rather than advice or a way of putting off taking the action we already know will solve the problem.

However, if we only consume them and never actually try them or act upon them faithfully then we won’t advance, we will stay stuck in our perceived problem.

Every challenge in life has a solution and we need to be responsible for being a path finder and not being a person who only wants instructions that we don’t follow because we either don’t really have a challenge, other than what the mind has invented, or we actually are too fearful to find a solution to it.

We have the answer, but we seek approval from others for our proposed solution under the smokescreen of advice.

So many people seek advice and then never act on it.

Unsolicited advice is never well received or useful, it is actually the advisors ego and their own stories that causes them to vent under the disguise of advising.

We never like being told when all we wanted was to be listened too. We didn’t ask for the opinion but the other person’s ego and autobiographical perspective caused them to offer ‘advice’ which really translates to ‘look at me I know’ behaviour. It’s not genuine heartfelt care, it’s actually about them and not you.

If we seek advice and don’t use it that’s ok too, we do not have to agree with the adviser. But when we seek advice and don’t like the answer, that’s not the fault of the adviser.

We all need help at times and we all need advice and as long as that is what you are seeking and not looking for approval, then advice is a good option when we are stuck on our path-finding mission.

Advice works when we are truthful with ourselves as that is what we really want.