Tag: understand

Assumptions

Posted on by philipdodson

When we assume what others are thinking without knowing we make judgements and take action based on that evaluation. Often, without the faintest idea, we say ‘I know what they are thinking’. This is based on nothing but our prejudices.

We often stay in that mode even when we do ask them, as we are only seeing them through the filter of our own lens of judgement.

We have already decided what they will say as we want it to match our assumptions. Then we can say ‘see, I knew that’s what they were thinking/meaning/saying…I am right’.

True listening means without any evaluation, all we do is simply hear the words of the other. This is the only form of listening. It is only possible when we do not make up stories about others based on assumptions our mind has made to fit in with the story we hold about them.

It’s best not to create stories about others or ourselves either. It is best to hear and see people as they are and not as our mind wants us to see them. It changes communication completely when we see and understand the other person as they truly are.

What will happen if I don’t listen?

Posted on by philipdodson

There is always something to say, and we all have a unique journey and much to share with others. Our learning is unique to us as we are all uniquely different and what works for one does not necessarily fit another’s path. However, there are similar experiences that we all have and we can share learning and if wanted, we can share advice with others.

It is the unsolicited ‘fixing’ others type advice that is not what we want, we want people to understand us, not to tell us what happened to them. We are not interested and we want others to listen. We have to always seek first to understand, then to be understood. We have to be the first to stop the telling and do the listening.

Listening is not pausing to think about what we are going to say next. We have to listen to others in the way that we would want others to listen to us. Listening is something that we are poor at as humans, we are good at talking and mainly about ourselves.

There is one certainty, people who feel understood are more likely to listen to you and understand you. However, we can’t wait for them to listen, we have to be the one that takes the first step.

Whatever we want in life, we have to be the first. If we want more love, then we have to love more, if we want more trust, we have to trust more, if we want more hugs, we have to hug more, if we want more respect, we have to show more respect, if we want people to understand us, we have to understand more.

It is that simple, it always starts with us and we manifest the exterior world from how we choose to act. The world is how we choose to see it and is always a reflection of ourselves. We have to be brave enough to be the ones to change first.

Try it…see what happens, even within a few days.

There is an indigenous saying from North America ‘listen or your tongue will make you deaf’ and that is what will happen if you don’t listen.