Getting back on track

We are all human, we are not robots, we are not perfect, we all make choices that with hindsight weren’t the best.

Our initial reactions and our habits often lead us to go off track. It is not that we set out to mess up, no one ever does. It is often when we have allowed anger or hurt or any combination of emotions to cloud our initial reaction to being the wrong choice.

This in itself does not matter, what counts is learning to recognise that we are going off track, recognise the triggers, is then the next step. What we can eventually learn is to handle the situations that trigger these reactions differently. Still, though it requires one more thing once we see the triggers or we recognise that we are reacting badly, that is to get back on track by letting go, by stepping back and changing behaviour, by changing our mindset, by changing the reaction. It is the vulnerability to be able to switch from one course, that we know is wrong, and relinquish to what we know is a better choice.

It requires us to move out of blame thinking, it requires us to step away from having to win, to not being seen as weak by stepping back from an angry reaction. There is nothing wrong with making a bad choice, the damage is done to ourselves and potentially others when we continue to go off track knowingly and stay stuck.

All of this is not easy to learn and requires empathy and patience with ourselves. But like anything that is hard in life, it’s what makes a difference and it’s what matters. For me, this is an ongoing work in progress as someone who has had a lifetime of being right and having to win.

Victim or punisher

I’ve been both at times. In fact, everyone of us has dabbled at victimhood and punisher. Actually, many seem to switch between the two.

This behaviour keeps us stuck, stuck with judgemental lens on, not necessarily of just other people but more often of ourselves. It keeps fuelling that victim feeling and need to punish others.

It also keeps us from any self-awareness and stops us being truly accountable for our own behaviour.

The only way to stop this cycle is to accept responsibility for what we do, take off the judgemental lens and replace with a lens where the aim is to learn how we can understand others even better and how we can think differently to lead to a different outcome.

The same thinking and behaviour always gets the same results. If we want to move out the pit of victimhood and stop punishing ourselves and others then we have to focus on learning and accountability.