Tag: understanding

filling in the gaps

Posted on by philipdodson

When the mind does not have all the answers about something or someone it fills in the gaps.

It doesn’t fill the gaps in with positive stuff, it fills it in with the worst-case.

We then act on those made-up stories towards others and react based on that fiction.

Then the reaction we get back from others only provides the mind with more fuel for these stories will tell ourselves about the world and other people.

Instead of filling in the blanks, we can ask and become curious, we can go and seek to understand other people. We can choose to listen first and to listen without evaluation so that we actually truly see people as they are and not as we believe them to be.

Don’t filling the blanks, instead listen, be curious and find out the true story.

Zealots

Posted on by philipdodson

When we become super enthused by something, especially when it makes a big difference to us, when we feel like it is a great revelation…like the eureka moment that answers everything for us, we then become evangelical.

However, often and with good intentions, we want to bring this to others so much that we lose sight of that just because it was our revelation or realisation that it must be for others too. We make the assumption that others are experiencing or needing the same as us.

What can happen is that our fervent desire to adhere to something can lead us to become a zealot. Our zealous beliefs lead us to become completely inflexible, we lose the ability to understand others and instead of being inspiringly evangelical about something we become harsh and repel others. 

When we lose the ability to see others and accept that they are on their own path and journey, which is not ours to alter, interfere with or judge, then we lose connection and our inflexibility becomes an inhibitor to ourselves.

When we become zealous we lose our ability to be compassionate and most importantly with ourselves, which is then reflected in how we treat others.

Often the resistance that we receive from others only magnifies our own zealous and inflexible behaviour further. We must learn to be compassionate with ourselves if we are to break out of this cycle.

Kindness to ourselves is vital otherwise when we become a zealot with ourselves we significantly impact our self-worth.