When we become the reaction, we lose control, we become the ego, the mind, the emotion and nothing goes well.
However, not being the reaction means undoing a lifetime of conditioning, it means stepping away from the mind, it means being different and it requires consciousness. Not easy.
We all need to learn patience with ourselves and others, becoming the real you and me takes time.
When we have a position to defend, we act out of anger, frustration, rage, we become the emotion and it then causes the other person to react and defend too.
When we are conscious and we have let go of the ego, then we express our opinion or act free of attachment to the view, we simply voice our opinion and do not have to fight to be right, after all, it is just a view.
The reaction from the other is very different and the outcome too.
It has to be defended when we are controlled by the ego.