The temptation to fix

When someone close to you is suffering, or perhaps in your opinion, not making the right choices, then there is a well-intentioned temptation to fix them.

We base a good deal of this on our own experiences in life and feel the need to impart our lessons to others, as Stephen Covey would say, in an autobiographical way.

However, others rarely want to hear our stories versus being able to tell theirs. They even more rarely want you to tryto fix them, especially as most often the case is, we haven’t even listened to them. We’ve simply based our ideas looking at it through our lens, so entirely from our perspective.

We all have uniquely different journeys and sets of experiences and the only way we can even provide any useful advice is to first listen and understand and secondly avoid the ‘well, when I was doing…’ type of advice.

People aren’t broken, listen without judgement and with empathy to understand them and give advice if asked.

Washing machines and cars need fixing not people.

Echo chambers


In our echo chamber.

The ‘ignorant’ are in theirs.

In their echo chamber, they see us as ignorant.

Ignorance isn’t the problem. A different view is not ignorance.

Righteousness is a curse that leads to nothing but hatred, blinkered views and a stubborn resistance to listen, for a fear that we could be toppled from our thrown of being so fucking right and smug.

Leave your chamber, listen to people you believe are ignorant. Remove your own blinkers for a moment, listen without evaluating, the highest form of intelligence and something that we all struggle to master as we never had a single lesson at school, or home, or work, that taught us this skill.

Most of us are so busy trying to convert people and talk about everything from our perspective.

Come together, be patient, try to walk in a while in their shoes.

Hating, evaluating and anger has yet to work.

I know this from first-hand experience, where I grew up in a judgmental environment, with us or against us, black or white, no shades of grey.

We could droo being right and embrace differences, however opposite they are to you. It’s hard. 

After all, it’s just a view. It’s not about being right, it’s about empathy, understanding and civil debate to focus on a future even better outcome that perhaps neither echo chambers could imagine on their own. 

Alternatively, we can close the door on our echo chamber and destroy ourselves slowly with incandescent hate, anger, frustration and blind evaluation without even listening of the ‘ignorant’.

When we judge others, we are actually saying more about our own behaviour, struggles, and hang-ups than the people we judge.