Tag: relationships

Why is there so little empathy?

Posted on by philipdodson

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If we asked ourselves, what do we prefer as a reaction from others, sympathy or empathy?

Most of us would prefer empathy. We want people to understand and share our feelings. We do not want pity or sorrow.

Sympathy normally involves this attempt to makes us ‘feel’ better, actually more trying to get us to not moan and ‘suck it up’ and get on. People say things like ‘well at least the other leg is OK’ or ‘could have been worse, you could have been killed’ or ‘well at least you’ve got some savings’. The list could go on.

What most of us want is someone to listen, to understand, to be able to be in our shoes, and to share the feelings. We do not want solutions or opinions or judgements, we want someone to share it with, someone who relates to how we are feeling.

The world offers sympathy, which is seen as kind, yet I would question that. I think the kind thing to do, is not to say ‘shut up moaning and count your blessings, and get on’, it is to listen, relate, understand and share the feelings of others. Helping them to understand that you have experienced what they are feeling, it’s normal, it’s OK and that you have dealt with it.

The reason there is little empathy, is it requires more time, more understanding and perhaps will lead to challenging how we deal with things in life.

The world would be a more harmonious place if we choose empathy rather than sympathy. Understanding others requires compromise and it requires bravery.

True friendships are based on values

Posted on by philipdodson

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There are times in life, when you need to move on from certain people who are have a negative and draining influence on us.

We often don’t even realise the damage that can be done to our own reputations by just being associated with certain people.

It is common, we are on our various journeys and our paths cross with people. At that moment in time, when those paths cross, certain people can be exactly what we need at that moment in time.

However, we can also find that within a few months or even a couple of years, that person has seemed to change or there is an uneasy feeling about our relationship with that person. Often, it is there all along, but we override our instincts. Or peer pressure convinces us that the person is ‘OK’.

It is allowed to move on, it is OK to say to ourselves that this relationship has served a purpose, often for both parties, but now it is time to go our separate ways. It is normal that some relationships only serve us for a short period. There is nothing wrong with that. But some can be more toxic than we realise.

Once you know that you are at that point, then the sooner you do it the better, as the stone in the shoe never goes away by itself.

More often it is because we have evolved as a person and that we have changed, whereas the other person may have stayed the same. Often it is where we think we have aligned values, but then it turns out that the other person has mislead us or is not living by their values.

This is just a part of life and there is no value in over-thinking why a relationship hasn’t turned out how we wanted or expected.

The true friends or relationships that work and last, are ones based on values, where both parties have a good number of shared common values and they are living by them too.

As someone more famous than me said ‘be the change you want to see happen’ and that means having to be honest with ourselves about who we choose to be influenced by in life. It means living by our values and then we attract the right people.

Check your values and then you’ll know what is right for you.