Tag: better

I’m not good at that

Posted on by philipdodson

I often say in my head things like ‘I’m not good at that’. Based on what exactly, Philip?

Well, shit feedback from others, parents views, bosses views, and so on. Then I have compounded that by agreeing and telling myself that.

I am gradually learning that this is all just opinion and what others think is irrelevant. What happens is I believe that I am no good at something and it is a self-fulfilling thing, because whenever I am about to attempt to do that thing that I’ve told myself I am shit at, wow, big surprise I remind myself, lose confidence and the result is, guess what? shit.

Now, there are some things that we all have to be realistic about and get used not being much good at them. Ballet is something that springs to mind for me. No amount of positive thinking and practice will ever lead to me being any good at it, sure I could get better, as right now my ballet skills are 0, so the only way is up.

However, I have been over the last few years, and my daily art has really helped this process, been challenging myself to say I can learn to get even better at that and by trying each day two things happen.

One, I realise that no amount of trying will make any difference to some things I try, as I do not really deep down want to or simply can’t get even better at something. This eliminates these things and I can forget about them.

Secondly, the things that I really wanted to try but never did through fear and listening to others, I do get even better at as I try and that is what matters. I focus me getting even better at things that really matter to me.

Then the more you try the easier it becomes and the getting even better gets accelerated and you then have the confidence to try more things as you realise most of what we say to ourselves in our heads as ‘truths’ are simply myths created by fear and listening to others too much.

I can get even better at that rather than I am no good.

Facing awkward things together.

Posted on by philipdodson

I learnt that or this or whatever I struggle with in life type behaviour from my childhood and some of the damage that is done by our parents that we then have to spend a lifetime unravelling, why do we not let these things go earlier and get them out in the open?

As a parent, there are things that I know that I could have done even better or differently with the knowledge and experience I have now. But, I didn’t have that at the time, so there is no reproach, no blame, just learning, and learning how to make things better.

So now it is a chance to make the choice that every day is an opportunity to do it differently or even better to apply the learning. We can achieve that if we choose to and use the pain and suffering that the mistakes of parenthood can cause as the driver and the purpose to our life going forward. Not blaming or regretting or punishing ourselves or others for the mistakes, but doing an even better job, as there is always time to put things to a different outcome and a better outcome that both would like.

It is about discussing openly as a family and looking collectively on what even better looks like for everyone and this is a way of breaking the cycle so that if they have children in the future that they do not make the same choices and perpetuate the wrong outcomes.

After all, it is all subjective and opinions and there is not a manual on how to be the perfect parent, and perfect is dull and only momentarily achievable until someone surpasses it.

It is about doing what we feel is the right thing, but it is about discussing the awkward, the difficult, talking about the ‘elephant in the room’. Then being open and willing to admit that you were wrong, that you are willing to work to do things differently, or even better, and making it a thing that you work on together with your children so that they feel in control and part of the process.

Children can often help adults to become better and deal with their issues, it is not all about the parent teaching the child and that is what is wrong with the world, this view that adults are right and they always know best, often the unspoilt mind of the child is better-equipped and less cluttered to deal with things in a more practical and open way, naivety is a benefit, idealism is a plus.

Facing awkward things together and discussing how to make things even better is so much better than anger, blame, remorse and staying stuck.