Someone to blame

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Someone to blame has become endemic in our society, it always has to be someone’s fault.

Yet blaming someone serves no purpose, as it nearly always involves shaming the person who is at ‘fault’. Shaming is a tactic over used in the today’s fear based, judgemental and hate driven society.

Does anyone feel good to be blamed? No.

Does shaming that person make them less likely to commit the same ‘mistake’ again? No.

Or does it only serve to make them feel less worthy and demotivated? Yes.

Then there is the self-blame that we indulge in too, which is a by-product of the blaming culture. We see ourselves as the cause of something ‘it’s me, I’m the one to blame’, this where we have been conditioned to play the victim role.

The thing is blame and fault are not conducive to creating better outcomes, they are demotivating and more likely to continue to create less desirable outcomes. People fear the next shaming, blaming session, so they hold back on creating their best stuff. Safe becomes the norm.

If we accept that at the time people set out to do their best, sometimes the outcome is not what we desired, but all we can do is take the learning. Then apply that learning to the future, with the sole purpose of improving that outcome. We want people to be free to create their very best, and that will never happen if blame is in the equation.

If we look to praise, encourage and inspire by looking at what went right, rather than what went ‘wrong’, then better and better creations will evolve. If we focus on making ourselves and others feel worthy, if we are compassionate, empathetic and supportive, then future outcomes will only be better.

That is all we can do. Create an environment where people feel free to do their best.

Changing myself to change the world

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So what is the story about? Well it’s about my journey and how, like a phoenix, I am rising up from the ashes of life that has, like many others, been scarred by the old school industrialised world.

A scaring that has to a greater or lesser degree blighted all but a small few. In fact many of them too, who sell us the dream, are disillusioned and ‘damaged’ by the systematic process we all go through to ensure we comply.

The system that has turned many of us into ubiquitous, interchangeable cogs in their ‘machine’, to be used, and then replaced when it suits the ‘machine’.

I started off a rebel in life, never wanting to fit in. Ready, as Seth Godin puts it, to ’cause a ruckus’, however, gradually the system get’s us all to comply. I ended up chasing the ‘dream’, where we exchange our freedom, our soul, for a life of servitude. Hopefully in return, we get ever more money, which we then use to purchase trinkets and stuff, that we mainly do not need.

But we are lead to believe, that money will enable us to buy the status symbols to demonstrate to others that we’ve reached a certain level of success. We are told work hard, get ahead, earn more money to buy a ‘lifestyle’. That is cynically sold to us by the manipulative corporations, and then, only then, we will reach the Nirvana of happiness.

Typically for most, neither the job or the money lead to anything that enriches our lives, they are often soulless, and when we reach the end of the journey, we’ll realise we consumed a lot of stuff, we worked hard, we sacrificed any kind of meaningful times for the job.

Then, when it is too late, we will wish we’d worked less, not worried about money, and instead did the thing that really meant something to us, and spent time with the people we loved, with the people who mattered.

We will want to leave behind a meaningful legacy not a collection of stuff for the landfill.

So I was hurtling towards the cliff edge, on a train where the breaks had failed, and everything in my wake was being wiped out. I was overweight, unhealthy, I had become a moaner, a discontent, judgemental and was fixed on the money and not on people.

As a consequence, my business was falling apart, I had the wrong relationships with the people who mattered, and it was unlikely to end well. After, what was in reality, probably a decade of becoming the wrong person, after many unhappy years, depression and bad health, I had a series of wake ups and a series of moments, that lead to the transformation that I am now on.

Like most of us, I believed in many things that the system told me were the ‘truths’, that I have now realised were not the ‘truths’. I also realised that we are here for meaningful things, not shallow material things. I always thought that leopards can’t change their spots, that you can not change yourself, your personality, well I now know that you can, you just have to want to, to choose to. You have to listen to yourself and not ‘them’.

So I stopped moaning, quiet literally just choose to not moan again about anything, I choose to cut out the news, the mainstream messages of the system, ditch TV, stop reading a paper, to change the people who were influencing me, making me the person I never really was.

However, I had realised that in the process of change, I had become an armchair critic of the system, so in fact talking but not doing, I had realised, armed now with my mission it was time to talk and more importantly do.

I am on a mission to create an alternative world, one based on values, based on people, and it is world for all, not just a tiny few.

It is about creating strong virtual and physical communities, that want to think, work, live and be different. To bypass the failed industrialised system, to abandon the meaningless consumption of the Capitalist religion and to build an alternative based on love, kindness, empathy, compassion, happiness and support.

To do stuff that is meaningful, creative and going to make a real difference.

A system that will be focused on the human race, and not on greed, hate, anger, fear, shaming and judgement.

My core personal values are freedom, community (people, friends & family), leadership, fun and transparency.

I dream of building a better world, so all are free from any form of slavery, poverty, iniquities, free from control, free to do their thing, free to enjoy the gift of life. Every human no matter what colour or race or religion or anything else, should have that opportunity to be truly free not just the few. After all, as Brene Brown brilliantly puts, we are all ‘already worthy’ no matter what we achieve.

I know many will say that this is utopian, unrealistic, fluffy and the world has always been a certain way. Well just because something has not been done, does not mean that it is not possible, after all the US Patent Office considered closing in 1900, as everything that could be invented, had already been invented, apparently.

We can not put limits on ourselves, we have to be brave, we have to challenge the status quo and we have to work together to save humanity from destroying our physical world, from further destruction to the other life forms that share our planet and to stop humans from self-destruction.

It is up to all of us to do are small bit to create change, to connect and build a different future. As more and more choose the alternative, a tipping point comes, the momentum of change becomes unstoppable and real big change happens.

I have realised my mission in life, so I am making my start, by working with others to build the New World Project. I don’t care how long that takes to make change and if it helps just one, two, a hundred or many, to live a better life, then I’ll have made a difference and will be happy with my legacy that I leave.

Let me know if you want to get involved, connect on Twitter or ping me a email.