Tag: Philip Dodson

I’m not a people person

Posted on by philipdodson

We get told these things by others, usually our parents, who say things like ‘she’s just like auntie Jean’ or ‘just like her grandmother Gwen’ and so on. Throw away lines often, but if used often enough, along with again well-intentioned, but amateur analysis at best, the damage can be huge.

Parents first and then teachers and latterly bosses all get involved. With little real understanding, surprisingly, many parents do not understand their own children, people start to label us. Often, as said, with no malice.

My label was ‘Philip’s not a people person’ ‘not like his brother’ ‘more like his father, likes his own company’. Now some of this observation may well be true, but at early stages, in our lives, it conditions us to others thinking. Parents influences are huge and as children, we take what they say as almost gospel.

So, I grew up believing and telling myself that I am not a people person, and that did influence my behaviour, as we live by the ‘truths’ we tell ourselves.

Much of my adult life that has led to me being reserved until I know someone, it has led to periods of being lonely, it has made me shy away from social events and because I told myself something, no surprise that’s what happened.

Well, firstly, I do not blame my parents for anything in my life, many years ago I forgave them and myself. Each of us does the best we can at any stage in our lives based on our experiences/knowledge to that point in our lives and with the mindset at that time. We all act most of the time with the best intentions.

Secondly, in the last few years, as part of my ongoing journey of change, and especially challenging the ‘truths’ that I have been telling myself all my life, I learnt that I am much more of a people person than I was led to believe.

Now, I have not gone form not a people person to Jumping Jack Flash, life and soul of the party and the world’s most sociable person. That’s not me and not what I want. However, as a result of realising that people matter a lot more to me, than I had conditioned myself to believe, I now enjoy a more people orientated life and that has brought me a great deal of joy.

So watch out you might get a call!

‘Challenge the ‘truths’ Philip’ is a thing I now say often to myself.

Just let it all get out of control

Posted on by philipdodson


Bouncing back is not always as easy as the books, gurus and coaches tell you, we are after all humans, and when the shit hits the fan, when the outcome is not what you want. Then we can all be forgiven for feeling like crap for a while.

The thing that you gradually learn though, is not to allow others actions to derail your day/week/year/life.

Many times, when things have not gone to plan, I have written not just a morning off, but sometimes a whole week. Wallowing in the unfairness, taking myself down a dark alley and beating myself up mercilessly.

Now when I get that email or text or you have a conversation which initially makes me feel sick, or angry, or sets you off into a meltdown of crisis and panic, I actually let that happen. I get it all out, I allow my inner chimp brain to go absolutely out of control. Pointless suppressing it, in fact, stopping it allows it to fester. 

Recently, I would have attempted to coach myself and try to control it. There is no point, just let it out, obviously inside your own head or on a piece of paper, not a good idea to go running down the street screaming.

Once you’ve let it all out without restriction, then you are able to let it go, you are able to unpick the ridiculousness of it all.You are able to bring some perspective to it, and this is all before you have spoken to the world, before you have done any damage.

I am a human and it is pointless pretending that you are not going to be anything other than pissed off when shit happens, so I am going to react initially.

However, the perspective is, no one will die, nothing really bad will happen, whatever it was I’ll survive and most often it is an opportunity for an even better outcome.

But all the time you do not let it out, the harder it becomes to get to any perspective, because my energy is focused on teaching myself how to react, instead of, after the shit storm subsides, focusing on solutions and perspective. 

Oh and don’t forget to talk about the shit to a person who is trusted and will not judge, ask them to just listen and not fix. Then get a big hug and move on. It’s important to feeling better inside to talk. 

I have to talk about the hard stuff that makes me feel exposed, that is awkward, that often means admitting I was wrong or I need to put it into perspective. But only after the unloading has finished properly in my head. 

I’m learning that the self-help books are a lot easier to write and read, including blogs (LOL) than they are to put into practice, simply because it is impossible to immediately suppress our limbic brain.

I’ve had one of those days, which started with a shit email, followed by a rant, a panic of epic porpotions. 

However, afterwards it was realitively under control, a hug helped and an off load to my very empathetic wife, who just listened. 

Now, I’ve had a fab day, instead of a never ending meltdown simmering away behind bouts of trying to coach myself about my behaviour, drowning out any solution.