Bouncing back is not always as easy as the books, gurus and coaches tell you, we are after all humans, and when the shit hits the fan, when the outcome is not what you want. Then we can all be forgiven for feeling like crap for a while.
The thing that you gradually learn though, is not to allow others actions to derail your day/week/year/life.
Many times, when things have not gone to plan, I have written not just a morning off, but sometimes a whole week. Wallowing in the unfairness, taking myself down a dark alley and beating myself up mercilessly.
Now when I get that email or text or you have a conversation which initially makes me feel sick, or angry, or sets you off into a meltdown of crisis and panic, I actually let that happen. I get it all out, I allow my inner chimp brain to go absolutely out of control. Pointless suppressing it, in fact, stopping it allows it to fester.
Recently, I would have attempted to coach myself and try to control it. There is no point, just let it out, obviously inside your own head or on a piece of paper, not a good idea to go running down the street screaming.
Once you’ve let it all out without restriction, then you are able to let it go, you are able to unpick the ridiculousness of it all.You are able to bring some perspective to it, and this is all before you have spoken to the world, before you have done any damage.
I am a human and it is pointless pretending that you are not going to be anything other than pissed off when shit happens, so I am going to react initially.
However, the perspective is, no one will die, nothing really bad will happen, whatever it was I’ll survive and most often it is an opportunity for an even better outcome.
But all the time you do not let it out, the harder it becomes to get to any perspective, because my energy is focused on teaching myself how to react, instead of, after the shit storm subsides, focusing on solutions and perspective.
Oh and don’t forget to talk about the shit to a person who is trusted and will not judge, ask them to just listen and not fix. Then get a big hug and move on. It’s important to feeling better inside to talk.
I have to talk about the hard stuff that makes me feel exposed, that is awkward, that often means admitting I was wrong or I need to put it into perspective. But only after the unloading has finished properly in my head.
I’m learning that the self-help books are a lot easier to write and read, including blogs (LOL) than they are to put into practice, simply because it is impossible to immediately suppress our limbic brain.
I’ve had one of those days, which started with a shit email, followed by a rant, a panic of epic porpotions.
However, afterwards it was realitively under control, a hug helped and an off load to my very empathetic wife, who just listened.
Now, I’ve had a fab day, instead of a never ending meltdown simmering away behind bouts of trying to coach myself about my behaviour, drowning out any solution.
Philip Dodson 