Tag: change

Echo chambers

Posted on by philipdodson


In our echo chamber.

The ‘ignorant’ are in theirs.

In their echo chamber, they see us as ignorant.

Ignorance isn’t the problem. A different view is not ignorance.

Righteousness is a curse that leads to nothing but hatred, blinkered views and a stubborn resistance to listen, for a fear that we could be toppled from our thrown of being so fucking right and smug.

Leave your chamber, listen to people you believe are ignorant. Remove your own blinkers for a moment, listen without evaluating, the highest form of intelligence and something that we all struggle to master as we never had a single lesson at school, or home, or work, that taught us this skill.

Most of us are so busy trying to convert people and talk about everything from our perspective.

Come together, be patient, try to walk in a while in their shoes.

Hating, evaluating and anger has yet to work.

I know this from first-hand experience, where I grew up in a judgmental environment, with us or against us, black or white, no shades of grey.

We could droo being right and embrace differences, however opposite they are to you. It’s hard. 

After all, it’s just a view. It’s not about being right, it’s about empathy, understanding and civil debate to focus on a future even better outcome that perhaps neither echo chambers could imagine on their own. 

Alternatively, we can close the door on our echo chamber and destroy ourselves slowly with incandescent hate, anger, frustration and blind evaluation without even listening of the ‘ignorant’.

When we judge others, we are actually saying more about our own behaviour, struggles, and hang-ups than the people we judge.

I’m not a people person

Posted on by philipdodson

We get told these things by others, usually our parents, who say things like ‘she’s just like auntie Jean’ or ‘just like her grandmother Gwen’ and so on. Throw away lines often, but if used often enough, along with again well-intentioned, but amateur analysis at best, the damage can be huge.

Parents first and then teachers and latterly bosses all get involved. With little real understanding, surprisingly, many parents do not understand their own children, people start to label us. Often, as said, with no malice.

My label was ‘Philip’s not a people person’ ‘not like his brother’ ‘more like his father, likes his own company’. Now some of this observation may well be true, but at early stages, in our lives, it conditions us to others thinking. Parents influences are huge and as children, we take what they say as almost gospel.

So, I grew up believing and telling myself that I am not a people person, and that did influence my behaviour, as we live by the ‘truths’ we tell ourselves.

Much of my adult life that has led to me being reserved until I know someone, it has led to periods of being lonely, it has made me shy away from social events and because I told myself something, no surprise that’s what happened.

Well, firstly, I do not blame my parents for anything in my life, many years ago I forgave them and myself. Each of us does the best we can at any stage in our lives based on our experiences/knowledge to that point in our lives and with the mindset at that time. We all act most of the time with the best intentions.

Secondly, in the last few years, as part of my ongoing journey of change, and especially challenging the ‘truths’ that I have been telling myself all my life, I learnt that I am much more of a people person than I was led to believe.

Now, I have not gone form not a people person to Jumping Jack Flash, life and soul of the party and the world’s most sociable person. That’s not me and not what I want. However, as a result of realising that people matter a lot more to me, than I had conditioned myself to believe, I now enjoy a more people orientated life and that has brought me a great deal of joy.

So watch out you might get a call!

‘Challenge the ‘truths’ Philip’ is a thing I now say often to myself.