Don’t over engineer

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All too often in life we try too hard to make something happen.

Our desire to make something happen is very strong at times, even though the only thing we can control is ourselves. Yet, we many times get hell bent on engineering an outcome.

Most humans resent or rebel when their freedoms are compromised by others, and the more that is forced, the more we tend to rebel and the less likely the outcome, that the controller wants to make happen, happens.

We all would recognise this when we are on the receiving end, yet when we have that strong urge to get something to happen how we want, we then seem to forget all about that, and end up going head first into forcing something.

Don’t over engineer outcomes, in fact try hard not to engineer anything with a overly selfish motive behind it, as the best things in life happen naturally, unforced and out of serendipitous moments.

The more you relax and stop swimming against the tide, the more you are just yourself, the less you deliberately seek something.

Then we send out the right signals, and allow others to make their own minds up. It is better that the other person choices the outcome we want, because it is something that they are inspired by, not something we have manipulated or motivated them to choose.

This all comes down to the audiences we choose too, if you are surrounded by the right people, who like you and your values, then the are more likely to be inspired to choose what you stand for, and the less you will need to over engineer.

Control

Control is a funny thing, that effects us all as humans. The definition of the word ‘control’ is ‘to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command’.

We often as humans want to exercise direction or dominate others. Why?

Trying to control others is a complete act of futility. When what we should really be doing is focussing on ourselves, the only thing we can ‘control’. Similar in levels of futility, is to wish the past was different, as there are no time machines, then why waste energy on wishing something we can’t change could be different.

Well, control is the same, as if you do manage to ‘dominate’ or ‘control’ someone else, it never ends well. More often though, we expend huge amounts of mental energy trying to control others and it again never has a happy ending.

So often in life, when we realise this and stop trying to control things, suddenly the things we were looking to see happen by trying to control, often happen naturally without any input from us.

Debbie Huxton, who is my coach, says to me ‘step away from the package’ and she is always right. The moment I stop trying to force something to happen, often wasting my time trying to control others, then amazingly things start to work out.

Focus on you and not on trying to change/control others.