Why we need connection

OK, so you’ve chosen to be a freelancer. You’ve walked out on the 9-5 (laughs, 7-7), Monday to Friday, chained to a desk, commuting, meetings, office politics, the stresses of corporate life, the frustrations of no control and many more things that come with paid for employment.

You now have freedom, you’re the boss. You can choose when to work, for how long, where you work, who you work with, what customers you want, what your website will say, the logo, the company name, the services you offer and so on.

Great, eh!

No more waiting for the board approval, no more committees, no more arse-covering emails, no more being patient and understanding when all you want to do is yell.

So, why are so many freelancers lost, struggling and often unhappy?

Simple, they have become disconnected.

When we had a job, we had all the not such great things that I mentioned previously, however, we were connected to something, an organisation, we had a place, we belonged, we even had a job function, a title, a desk (well not always) and most importantly we had work colleagues, that’s right other human beings.

We are, remember, human beings, we are designed to be connected to other humans, we are designed to be social, we are not loners, we are not cut out to be isolated, we need to belong.

It is isolation that ‘kills’ most freelancers. The lack of interaction with others is the challenge. Facebook messages, Hangouts, and texts will never replace real human interaction, the power of just sitting at the same table as others are enough to inspire, energise and motivate action. But go further and become involved in a community and that will bring back all that we have lost from our employed world.

Going to a physical place and being part of a group, a tribe, having a place that we can become attached to is all part of the wellbeing factor that comes from being around others.

Forget the cost, because the cost of staying on your own at home is not a financial one initially, it is a human cost that then impacts our ability to feel good, to produce our best work and as consequence earn money. It becomes a downward spiral of disconnection, declining mental well-being that leads to poor results and a further decline in results and well-being.

Connecting with others is the most vital part of what we do, and it is the thing that we lose when we leave a job to become independent. It is the one thing that is overlooked and yet it is the most critical to being a success as a freelancer.

If you feel good about yourself, you will create great work, you will make a difference and be successful in achieving your goals. Without other humans to laugh with, chat to, share ideas, share experiences, learn from, and be around, we lose our soul, we lose our connection, our place, we are no longer part of something and that is a huge loss.

The solution is simple, get out more, join clubs, go to events, spend time in community coworking spaces, get involved in community projects, and belong to something. One of the biggest drivers in choosing an independent freelance career is often freedom, so you will not want to be tied to a full-time desk in a space, but becoming part of a community somewhere, still gives you a choice and freedom.

Being around others brings the vital energy, inspiration, something that you can not buy, something that is almost difficult to put into words, a sparkle, a collective force that without it, we wither like a plant without water.

Stay connected, stay happy, belong.

I originally published this on http://www.atworkhubs.co.uk

I am resilient, I am tough, I am a freelancer and the tiger of my home office…..grrr

Resilience has become the latest buzz word, it has muscled its way past authenticity, steamrollered over re-imagining, bulldozed pivoting, platforms, onboarding and failure. It has cemented itself to the floor like a huge statue to toughness and unflinching perseverance. Imagine a defiant captain on the bow of the boat in a huge storm shouting and defiant as waves wash over the captain and the boat, one after the other.

In fact, I am part of a small team putting together an art workshop including resilience, I just went to the 9th OuiShare Summit in Lisbon where we had a whole session on the very subject of resilience in the context of freelancers.

Everywhere you turn there is resilience.

The dictionary definition says ‘the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.’

What ‘difficulties’? and what is meant by ‘toughness’?

Many talk about the ability to celebrate failure, often in some fake macho way, like ‘yippee, ye-haaa, whoop-de-dooooo, I fucked up again, great!! I am not a huge fan of this fake toughness. I wrote about this recently on my personal blog, see more in the further reading after this post.

Real toughness is the opposite to ‘tough’ it is the bravery to be open, vulnerable and to be comfortable about talking about our real emotions, setting boundaries and being able to be compassionate, kind, generous, and empathetic with ourselves and others.

It takes the ability to reflect, to learn, to dig deep into our emotions, then move forward, let go and re-write the story in a positive way for now and the future. It is not this phoney burying of things and just having a stiff upper lip, soldiering on and toughing it out.

That is only kidding ourselves and losing the opportunity to learn and progress to better things.

Failing has emotion attached whoever you are.

So being able to deal with ‘difficulties’ is not about ‘toughness’ it is about being able to be vulnerable, to embrace our emotions, to seek help, to be open, to be willing to learn, to be able to let got and to be kind to ourselves, to not seek to blame, but to seek only to improve now.
I am not sure that I even like the word resilience as it’s commonly thought and defined. I think we could choose to use a better word, empathy.

So, as a freelancer, do not sit in your home office and go all BBC ‘Apprentice’ style and look in the mirror and say to yourself ‘I am the tiger of my home office..grrr’. Instead, look in the mirror, look at your difficulties, rumble with them as Brene Brown would say, dig into the emotions, take the learning, re-write the truths, set new boundaries and move on, by letting go.

Resilience comes from the ability to stay true to your values, to ignore the critic and to turn off the shallowness of the digitalised, social media, superficial connectedness vortex that we’ve become sucked into and to choose to block yourself out to do deep, focused and meaningful work. To buck the trend, to not fit in, be different.

You do not need to be tough to overcome challenges and stay strong, you need to have the bravery to truly face the challenges, analyse them, run with them and make now the moment to do better.

It is not being impervious to things, it is being open and curious that brings strength as a person. By the way, this is not an overnight process, our emotions matter and are not to be trivialised in some buzz word fest of shallowness and bravado surrounding failures, to be truly resilient takes time.

Liberate yourself from the need to be ‘tough’, resilience comes from being brave enough to be vulnerable.

(Originally published by myself on http://www.atworkhubs.co.uk)

A selection of further reading

Yippee, I`ve failed, let`s have a party
Meetup groups celebrating failure are as common now as groups celebrating success. We have developed this fake bravado surrounding failure and the glib, celebrity style over trivialisation…
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability
Brené Brown studies human connection — our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal…
The Art of Innovation
A series of interactive and practical organisational and personal development workshops. Co-facilitated by Stephanie Barnes, Phil Dodson and Doug Shaw. Sponsored by Herman Miller, The…
OuiShare Fest 2017 | Villes de tous pays, unissez-vous!
OuiShare Fest is an international event that gathers thought-leaders, entrepreneurs and movement builders to think critically about digital transformations and drive systemic change.
How deep is your work?
So this is a rare longer blog today and talking about some of my day to day work that I’m involved in apart from my blogging and art!! The reason for sharing is to highlight the challenges…
Escaping the hell pit of fear - how to become a braver...
Millions of people choose the life of a freelancer, OK to be fair some are there not through choice, to fulfil their dreams and to build a life they have always wanted only to be paralysed…
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