Helping others become even better versions of themselves
We focus a great deal about helping others, do something kind and being generous.
This is a certainly a good thing and the world needs plenty of it.
What needs to happen first, though, in order to be there for others, is to be there for ourselves first.
What did you last do for yourself? Do you take time out every day for you? When were you last kind to yourself? When did you last say ‘well done’ to you? When did you give yourself a break not just physically but mentally too?
Start with you.
As humans, we tend to react to perceived injustices to ourselves with a punisher approach, some can be a victim or both.
The punishing others approach, seems like a win at the time, as you are getting back at someone.
We feel right is on our side, we feel it is just to inflict our punishment, whatever that maybe. Often ignoring others completely, or deliberately being cold or a little difficult and so on.
The person we’re punishing will matter to you. Perhaps instead of punishing, we could choose to forgive, accept that they were acting with their best intentions, and then remind them of our boundaries of what is acceptable to us or not.
Whatever, let go, forgive and move on. Life is too short for wasting on punishing, it never makes the recipient react well or feel inspired to act differently. It often becomes a repeating pattern.
It is up to us and vitally important to set out what our boundaries are and to stick to them. Explain and discuss with others. Don’t assume they acted badly. However, we can’t expect others to know what’s acceptable to us or not unless we tell them.
But never punish, as we are only, in fact, punishing ourselves by destroying a relationship with another person who matters.
Be generous with boundaries.
Punishment punishes everyone including the punisher.
Philip Dodson 