Tag: expectations

Meetups, confusing generosity with an expected return

Posted on by philipdodson

Break out of the free culture and stop expecting people to do stuff for free, but we all have to be the leaders that we want to see.

This ‘Gary Vaynerchuk’ approach of ‘give, give, give and then boom, sock it to ’em’ is a bastardised version of manipulation with expectation that turns to disappointment when those expectations are not fulfilled. That is the thing, be a kind, generous person by default and that is different to giving your work away for free.

Being generous is when you do something without expectation, with no conditions, sure there is an intention that you want to do something that makes you feel good, but the moment you add an expectation of others to the intention, then it becomes a manipulation, and that is not generosity.

So give, but give as defined with no expectation. As regards your work, again give your work away if that is simply to make you happy and bring that great feeling to you that true generosity brings, and if you always have the mindset of needing a return, then don’t give. But people are abusing this situation and all the time we allow it to happen, then we are supporting it to our detriment too.

If you run a workshop or a Meetup or you give your time, then do that just because you want to do it and then not charging is fine and totally the right thing to do. However, if you are doing those things with the purpose of achieving an expected outcome of more business, then charge for it, as then it is clear to others and to you that is a business transaction and that removes disappointment from you and it brings clarity to the attendees. It may put off the people who may just come for something free or may choose on the day to simply not bother, as you have managed their expectations of what you are offering and that is of value and that your time is of value. You are clear that there is an expected return.

A Meetup, for example, could be used to generate value or it can be a frustrating journey of wrong expectations and disappointments. It is not the attendees or lack of them that is a fault it is the person who organises the Meetup. Actually, it is not even a mistake, it is learning to value your time and not to confuse giving with an expected return.

Give because you want and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Create value because that is the outcome you want to achieve. You expect something back so charge for your work. Be clear.

Jabs and right hooks

Posted on by philipdodson

OK, I’ll get it straight out now, I am not a huge fan of Gary Vaynerchuk, I am more James Altucher, Cal Newport, Seth Godin, Brene Brown, Simon Sinek, Brain Clark, and a few more.

That’s the thing we are not here for everyone, not everyone is going to like us and we don’t have to like all the same things. There is, after all, no right or wrong in any of this.

My mate Doug, if you sat him next to Seth Godin on a long flight, he’d be met by law enforcement officials at the destination! The same would happen if you put me next to Gary.

I just used the ‘Jabs and right hooks’ as a title based on Gary V’s ‘Jab, Jab, right hook’ book. His book is based on give, give, give and then ‘boom’ ‘bash’ wallop’ you ‘sock it’ to ’em, or something like that.

For me, that feels like an intentional strategy, whereby you’re giving with the sole purpose of expecting something in return. That is not generosity that is manipulation and a revamped take on the kind of selling you’d see and laugh at, well I did, in classic films like ‘Tin Men’ and ‘Glengarry, Glen Ross’.

Being generous is something you do without any expectation, you do simply because it makes you feel good, that is OK by the way.

The moment you start to envision future invoices that you can send that person, then it turns from being a generous act to a manipulation.

There is a huge difference though from giving someone that ‘right hook’ after giving and asking for help or now and again putting your message out in a direct way.

The problem with all this expectant giving is it leads to disappointment when nothing comes back in return. Give because you want to, give because it makes you happy and lessens disappointment, manipulation and stress in your life.

Being authentic is exactly what it means, not latching on to a fashionable strategy to get more business.

When you do need help or you need to push something you are doing, then you will never have an issue. But don’t give to ‘bank it’ for the future, just give.