The game of winning and losing is engrained in our culture.
Arguments, races, elections, fights, and the list goes on. They all require a winner or a loser.
It’s to do with this false sense of worthiness that we attach to achievements and being the ‘winner’.
We are no more worthy a person if win or lose. Our worthiness in life is not defined by the outcome of a single race, an argument or any battle.
In relationships with others, the concept of winning or losing arguments is flawed. As the winner, deep down, rarely feels good about winning and the loser never feels good. Short-term winning the argument may seem like a success, but longer-term no one wins from making the other person feel like the loser.
Compromise, finding mutually acceptable solutions, where we can all feel good about the outcome is what counts.
That’s not weakness, it is the very opposite. Only brave people are willing to adjust to other people’s points of view. That does not mean that you have to be a doormat, always accepting other people’s views or perhaps even accepting people’s bad choices of behaviour towards us.
However, if someone matters and the relationship is important, then compromise is the only way to accommodate differences.
In order to bring that change about, we have to be willing to be first and not wait for others. All the time it remains a battle of right or wrong, black or white, win or lose, then no change will occur and no one will feel good.
We can not control others, they may still choose not to change. We could choose to remain unaffected by how others behave towards us.
After all, we need to define our own happiness.
Philip Dodson 