Tag: beliefs

I’m sorry…well, actually I’m not

Posted on by philipdodson

Often, in the past I have said things that I didn’t necessarily agree with so as not to cause offence or to fit in, to avoid awkwardness.

Now, I don’t. I’m always civil, which is something I’ve learnt is far better than be an aggressive, opinionated arse like I used to be many years ago, but I will speak up.

However, here’s a thing I’ve noticed, I’ve been mainly vegetarian for the last 2-3 years and being vegetarian has its challenges, and at times I felt almost a little apologetic for being a veggie. Then, during the summer, partly due to watching What The Health on Netflix and feeling, after 51 years of ignoring it, that I was like most humans, intolerant to diary, I turned to being vegan.

When you say to some that you’re vegan, they look at you like you’ve got some deadly contagious disease and you’ve just licked them. They say things like ‘wow!! What do you eat?’ in a tone of complete incredulity or ‘what about cheese, butter, eggs? Do you still eat fish?’.

So, I’ve noticed that I’m almost slightly apologetic again, like I want to hide that I’m vegan or not put others into an awkward moment and I’ve said things like ‘I’m just trying it’ or ‘I’m not a strict vegan’. It’s a bit like being a ‘skinny low-fat Christian’ or a ‘Muslim lite’, just kind of religious.

Well, actually I have nothing to apologise about. People who meat, and it’s all a personal choice and I have no judgement, don’t say ‘ I’m not really into this meat thing’ or ‘sorry to be pain, I’ll just eat some veg’

So, I’m sorry but I’m not sorry anymore. Equally, though as I don’t like being judge, I am not judging others choices and I will not be trying to convert others.

If change is what I seek, then better to do my thing and then hope that it might inspire others who might want to eat differently too.

But for those who do judge, I don’t care. I’m happily a human being with my own choices that I like.

I’m not a people person

Posted on by philipdodson

We get told these things by others, usually our parents, who say things like ‘she’s just like auntie Jean’ or ‘just like her grandmother Gwen’ and so on. Throw away lines often, but if used often enough, along with again well-intentioned, but amateur analysis at best, the damage can be huge.

Parents first and then teachers and latterly bosses all get involved. With little real understanding, surprisingly, many parents do not understand their own children, people start to label us. Often, as said, with no malice.

My label was ‘Philip’s not a people person’ ‘not like his brother’ ‘more like his father, likes his own company’. Now some of this observation may well be true, but at early stages, in our lives, it conditions us to others thinking. Parents influences are huge and as children, we take what they say as almost gospel.

So, I grew up believing and telling myself that I am not a people person, and that did influence my behaviour, as we live by the ‘truths’ we tell ourselves.

Much of my adult life that has led to me being reserved until I know someone, it has led to periods of being lonely, it has made me shy away from social events and because I told myself something, no surprise that’s what happened.

Well, firstly, I do not blame my parents for anything in my life, many years ago I forgave them and myself. Each of us does the best we can at any stage in our lives based on our experiences/knowledge to that point in our lives and with the mindset at that time. We all act most of the time with the best intentions.

Secondly, in the last few years, as part of my ongoing journey of change, and especially challenging the ‘truths’ that I have been telling myself all my life, I learnt that I am much more of a people person than I was led to believe.

Now, I have not gone form not a people person to Jumping Jack Flash, life and soul of the party and the world’s most sociable person. That’s not me and not what I want. However, as a result of realising that people matter a lot more to me, than I had conditioned myself to believe, I now enjoy a more people orientated life and that has brought me a great deal of joy.

So watch out you might get a call!

‘Challenge the ‘truths’ Philip’ is a thing I now say often to myself.