There are 3 things that I’m focusing on in 2018 to get even better at.
1. Not to win at anything
This does not include Monopoly, Frustration or card games before my family think that I have finally lost the plot or they think they can take advantage.
What I mean here is that I grew up in a culture as a kid where it was a badge of honour to win at things. It is a culture that has been ever present in most of our lives and it has led to me deriving my sense of worth from winning or achievements relating to beating others.
I was born worthy like all of us and I will die worthy, no achievement will alter that. No win will make a difference.
Winning means there is a loser or losers. In my life it has often clouded decisions and led me to do things that I now realise was not how I wished to behave.
Winning is drummed into is to create a constant striving and competitiveness that is not needed. We do not have to win to be worthy.
2. Not to be right about anything
This is very similar to the winning and again it was the highest badge of honour in the Dodson household, where arguing and being right was all that mattered.
Often at whatever cost. Like a dog with a bone. I grew up in an environment where someone like Jeremy Paxman would be seen as an easy-going debater.
It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong as it is all an opinion.
My views are mine and are no more valid than anyone else’s and to be honest, we all like our own views and we are never very keen on others trying to forcibly change them. Inspire others by what I do is better than arguing. I am accepting it is not my place to question others views.
3. Not to criticise anything.
I have yet to meet anyone in life who likes being criticised, including me by me. So I am done with criticism of others, which I am doing less and less. But most important I’m done with the inner criticism of ourselves.
Feedback that is well intentioned by someone whose views really matter to me and they are a person who I know will deliver that feedback from a position of unconditional love, then that is something that I will listen to. In reverse, I will offer the same to people who I care about with the same intention.
But being critical, judging others and what they do is closely linked to the behaviour of being right and winning.
There are a billion ways of doing, saying, acting, etc and we all think the way we do it is right, but it is only in our heads. How others choose to do something is not my business unless it is harming me and most of what I have criticised about others in the past was not harming me, it was only offending how I thought things should be done. It’s Philip’s way or not. The black and white approach is limiting and damaging in many ways.
I wish to have peace inside and that means getting even better at letting go of that bone, Philip.