Tag: empathy

Forgiveness

Posted on by philipdodson

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It is one of the most difficult things to learn and apply.

It requires us to let go, stop being that ‘dog with a bone’.

It requires us to see things from another person’s perspective, to take a walk in their shoes, to see their lives.

It requires us to accept that we all act with good intention, so very, very few set out differently and if they do, there is a reason why.

It requires us to move on from the failed pursuit of being right.

It requires us to be empathetic and compassionate.

However, before we can forgive others, we must be compassionate with ourselves and forgive ourselves too.

Forgiveness allows us to feel worthy and to realise others are too.

It enables us to become, as Brene Brown would say, a wholehearted person.

Vengeance will never create anything good for anyone.

Making up a story

Posted on by philipdodson

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Often in life, we make up stories in our head of wrongdoing done by others towards us based on what we think we know.

It is like reading a book with pages missing or text blocked out and then telling someone the story or worse the ending.

We allow preconceived ideas of others, marred by our judgements, to write stories that are based on simply that.

It’s a little like when we have a bad experience with a doctor or the phone company etc, we then assume we will always have a bad experience with doctors or the phone company.

Maybe a particular person made a bad choice of behaviour and then we seem to label them.

So we react to other people’s behaviour towards us, or most often overreact, based on nothing other than a partially complete picture or judgements.

Making up a story and often allowing ourselves to be a victim.

The simple fact is no one is out to get us anyway, they are busy with their own priorities, so being a victim is never worth the energy.

Instead of reacting we could simply ask questions to the other person and complete the story knowing the complete picture of another person’s behaviour. We may come to the same conclusion, but more often we would not, as we would react without blinkers.

Asking some questions first avoids overreaction and the need to make up stories that include us the victim.